Jerry + His Girls = One Messy Stage

Tonight we were playing the ever popular either/or game, where you have to choose the lesser of two evils. Whether it be a person to shag, or a series of books, you have to commit to one answer. Things turned slightly awkward though when we turned it to a more personal note, and ended up writing our very own Jerry Springer script.


Nicmouse says:
fine, i shall ask:
Nicmouse says:
Nicmouse or Nick?
Nicmouse says:
Nick
Bizzler says:
Nicmouse
Tiffers says:
Nick
Crutchurtle says:
BOTH!!!!
Nicmouse says:
lol
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
*wails*
Crutchurtle says:
it's my FANTASY!
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Crutchurtle says:
hookay, fine then. *turns tables on her wife and her wife on a table. *
Crutchurtle says:
Kaylon or Bizzy's brother!
Nicmouse says:
woot!
Nicmouse says:
oh fuck
Crutchurtle says:
bwahahahaha!
Nicmouse says:
Race
Bizzler says:
Kaylon
Tiffers says:
Race
Bizzler says:
Obvioulsy
Crutchurtle says:
(no one else has to answer)
Nicmouse says:
ew, dirty
Crutchurtle says:
that was really just for her.
Tiffers says:
I don't know what kaylon looks like
Bizzler says:
rofl
Nicmouse says:
meh
Nicmouse says:
he's average
Crutchurtle says:
see, both of them are funny to scream
Nicmouse says:
you know what would dhappen?
Bizzler says:
Okay, you're done
Crutchurtle says:
soooo....
Nicmouse says:
bizz, this will be icky
Tiffers says:
RACE!!! to the finish line!
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
YOU ARE DONE
Nicmouse says:
cover your eyes!
Crutchurtle says:
Raina.
Nicmouse says:
i would end up saying "racer"
Nicmouse says:
which is my cat's name at home
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Bizzler says:
*DIES*
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
do you EVER think we are having sex with your brother?
Crutchurtle says:
no
Crutchurtle says:
clearly not
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
bahahahaha
Crutchurtle says:
Tiffers already has crabs
Tiffers says:
HEY!
Crutchurtle says:
she doesn't need herpes.
Nicmouse says:
*fucking dies*
Bizzler says:
omfg stop *covers eyes*
Crutchurtle says:
*mutters* fucking disease riddled family.....
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Tiffers says:
rofl
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
lol
Nicmouse says:
Crutchurtle, i think it's still you
Tiffers says:
oh Bizzler, we'll never even meet your brother, let alone get drunk enough to think sleeping with him is a good idea
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Nicmouse says:
true
Bizzler says:
Oh JESUS LORD
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Tiffers says:
I don't think all the alcohol in the world would work
Bizzler says:
Thank god
Crutchurtle says:
this is fun to scare her like this though.
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Bizzler says:
I'm glad my horror amuses you
Nicmouse says:
it does
Crutchurtle says:
Bizzler, I found my solution. I don't need to run, I don't need a weapon, I'll just take off all my clothes.
Tiffers says:
would almost be funny to have Crutchurtle friend Race on facebook and have her relationship status be married to him
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
ROFL
Nicmouse says:
OMG
Nicmouse says:
*dies*
Nicmouse says:
i think i need to sleep
Bizzler says:
His girlfriend is so dumb she'd be like, "WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED?? I HATE YOU!"
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Crutchurtle says:
I cannot marry him. I'd have a thing for my sister in law, and you KNOW that gets you on Springer.
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Tiffers says:
you better not touch my wife
Bizzler says:
lmao
Crutchurtle says:
"So, Race, your wife has something to tell you" *crowd goes ooooooooh*
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Crutchurtle says:
"Your sister and I shower together!"
Bizzler says:
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Crutchurtle says:
*gets shot by Tiff in a jealous rage*
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Crutchurtle says:
*bodyguards tackle her*
Crutchurtle says:
*hopefully Nicmouse is sobbing over my body*
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
lol
Crutchurtle says:
Race screams "WHAT THE FUCK DID i MARRY INTO!!!" and runs from the stage.
Crutchurtle says:
it gets messy.

I don't know about you, but I would totally Tivo that shit!

Luna: Pet or Food?

As I am sure most of you are aware, Crutchurtle has a pet radish on facebook, and if you weren't aware of that, I just told you. Now, Luna, as this radish has been named, is quite honestly a BAMF (if you don't know what a BAMF is, please slap yourself on the forehead for being a moron, and never return to my blog. Thanks.) Tonight I made the mistake of questioning the idea of a radish as a pet, and oh boy was I put in my place.


Tiffers says:
awww Luna is rosy-cheeked
Crutchurtle says:
hmm?
Tiffers says:
your radish
Tiffers says:
is rosy-cheeked
Crutchurtle says:
is she?
Tiffers says:
yeah
Crutchurtle says:
she's a good little radish, Luna.
Tiffers says:
I still find it funny that we pet her
Crutchurtle says:
why?
Crutchurtle says:
she's my pet!
Tiffers says:
she's a radish!
Tiffers says:
you don't pet vegetables
Crutchurtle says:
how dare you!
Crutchurtle says:
fuck you Tiffers, fuck you.
Nicmouse says:
whoa
Crutchurtle says:
She said that they shouldn't pet my fluff friend because she's a vegetable, not animal!
Nicmouse says:
ROFL
Nicmouse says:
okay, you scared me for real
Tiffers says:
I just think it should be called something else
Tiffers says:
like...pruning
Crutchurtle says:
pffft.
Tiffers says:
or something
Crutchurtle says:
don't you come at her with a knife.
Nicmouse says:
omg, wtf did you bring me into?
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
she will bust a cap in your ASS
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Tiffers says:
I'm sorry she went off!
Tiffers says:
it was so unexpected!
Nicmouse says:
*dies*
Crutchurtle says:
don't you apologize for me!
Crutchurtle says:
I'll just stop petting Turkleton, how will that be?
Tiffers says:
I wonder if he will die
Tiffers says:
if I don't feed him
Tiffers says:
then I get some pet tofu or some crap like that
Nicmouse says:
you people are weird with your facebook pets
Nicmouse says:
i need a snack
Crutchurtle says:
I LOVE my facebook pet!
Crutchurtle says:
she's SO much more polite and friendly than Tiffers'
Nicmouse says:
i just think they're weird altogether, lol *resists facebook applications*
Tiffers says:
that's cause my pet is racist
Crutchurtle says:
and rude.
Tiffers says:
I am not gonna defend his actions to the likes of you
Nicmouse says:
i have no good snack food
Tiffers says:
I was considering getting a tootsie pop
Nicmouse says:
i want carbs
Crutchurtle says:
I was considering punching you in the FACE.

Looks like Crutchurtle has been picking up pointers from Bizzler.....

Why Bizzler Should Never Head A Fake Organization!

Tonight we had an interesting conversation, well several, including one about whether or not Bizzler and her brother were adopted. This little post here goes to show that they are in fact biological brother and sister. I guess to understand why we doubted this in the first place you would need to understand that brother Bizzler is a bit, well, slow isn't the right word, so I will say, not so great with the talking. Bizzler is very smart and intelligent concerning almost anything that doesn't concern HP and as I learned tonight, location of letters in words.


Crutchurtle says:
I'll make a fake charity organization
Crutchurtle says:
and give you all the logo
Tiffers says:
*DIES*
Crutchurtle says:
and we put it on our envelopes
Tiffers says:
OMG that would crack me up
Bizzler says:
That
Bizzler says:
is brilliant
Bizzler says:
lol
Crutchurtle says:
and your mom will be like "WHY do you get all this mail from Save the Sea Turtles???"
Nicmouse says:
*fucking dies*
Tiffers says:
OMG I was writing that Nicmouse!
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
ROFL I'm a part of the solution not the problem MOM!
Tiffers says:
lmao
Nicmouse says:
lol
Crutchurtle says:
Just tell her you saw an MSN article about how they were poaching sea turtles so you signed up for the mailing list.
Nicmouse says:
and they are clearly a very active organization.
Scrib says:
Harpooning sea turtles!!!!
Tiffers says:
no harpooning!
Crutchurtle says:
I think I have a good alternative!
Crutchurtle says:
well I really doubt your parents will object to you raising awarness about a nearly extinct species of sealife.
Tiffers says:
lmao, no, most likely not
Crutchurtle says:
*goes to make an icon for the National Preservation of Sea Life Society
Tiffers says:
I did realize the other day when I was writing my notes, yeah, I don't write often enough, my hand started to fucking hurt
Crutchurtle says:
wait.....
Crutchurtle says:
something with a good, HP like acronymn!
Bizzler says:
SPEW!
Crutchurtle says:
no, has to end in ST for sea turtles
Crutchurtle says:
got it!
Bizzler says:
STEW!
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
no
Crutchurtle says:
END
Nicmouse says:
that doesn't END
Crutchurtle says:
ROFL
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Bizzler says:
rofl
Tiffers says:
OMFG I CAN'T BREATHE!
Crutchurtle says:
she is SO not adopted.
Nicmouse says:
all i come up with is MOST. which is boring.
Bizzler says:
rofl
Crutchurtle says:
PEST. Protect Endangered Sea Turtles
Nicmouse says:
WOOT
Crutchurtle says:
also, that way we're pests.
Nicmouse says:
i like it
Tiffers says:
STEW < *dies all over again*

I don't think there are really anymore words for this entry, in fact I am still giggling over it! Way to go Bizzler, you make me proud!

The Holy Birthing Box

A few months ago, in a chat I can only vaguely remember, a birthing box came into play. Now my memory isn't quite what it should be, but I do believe it started in reference to Frankie the Ferret and how his birthplace was in fact a cardboard box.

Somehow I turned it into Viola Cooper having the Tavvie baby in a cardboard box because Octavius didn't love her or something. It's hard to remember, I may have been hopped up on the Zotz at that point. Anyways, long story short, the 'birthing box' reference was born, and I still like to bring it into play to this day. I find that nothing riles up Crutchurtle more than saying Cooper is hanging out in the birthing box.

The birthing box made a special appearance this evening and I felt it only fair to share:


Tiffers:
*crawls into the cooper birthing box and cries*
Crutchurtle:
*drags her out* YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT, YOU WHORE!
Crutchurtle:
no birthing box for you!
Tiffers:
LMAO
Crutchurtle:
(insert mean scary teeth baring smilie here)
Tiffers:
*draws Mara a birthing box in her letter*
Nicmouse:
oh jeebus...
Nicmouse:
i like how saying she's pregnant when she's not made her a whore...
Crutchurtle:
she is claiming to be with child.
Crutchurtle:
she has never done anything to get herself in this condition.
Nicmouse:
yep, totally makes her a whore.
Crutchurtle:
fine.
Tiffers:
LMAO
Nicmouse:
LOL
Crutchurtle:
GET OUT OF THE BIRTHING BOX, YOU COCKTEASE!
Crutchurtle:
better?
Crutchurtle:
*halo*
Nicmouse:
LMAO
Nicmouse:
OMG
Nicmouse:
*dies*
Crutchurtle:
put THAT in your blog, biyatch


And so I did! Please take an extra moment to note that I take extreme offense to my morals being in question by laughing the entire time.

Oh birthing box how I love thee...

Bizzler Get Pranked - AGAIN!

Now, anybody who truly knows me, and by extension the rest of the gals who are featured here, knows that Bizzler has won the 'Worst Harry Potter Fan' award quite a few years running now, most likely every year since the idea of Harry Potter was even contrived. It is because of this fact that I make it my mission to try and trick her as often as possible.

Of course we have sadly lost the now infamous 'House Elf Riot' coversation, which was a masterpiece in itself, but one night Crutchurtle decided to test Miss Bizzler and see just how easily the chit can be fooled.

Test Results: Quite Easily


Tiffers:
dude if Harry ends up with Cho in the last book I will cry
Tiffers:
I have made myself hate her so much
Crutchurtle:
she's annoying
Bizzler:
What?? Why would he end up with her??
Bizzler:
He better not!
Bizzler:
Doesnt he not like her anymore?
Crutchurtle:
Bizzler you need to re-read Half Blood Prince
Tiffers:
lmao
Bizzler:
Why? He DOES still like her?
Bizzler:
No he doesnt
Crutchurtle:
even when he was with Ginny he saw Cho playing Quidditch
Crutchurtle:
and his stomach did the Cho flippy thing
Bizzler:
o.O
Bizzler:
Fuckin A
Crutchurtle:
the last quidditch match of that year
Bizzler:
I dont even know where my copy is
Bizzler:
Crap
Crutchurtle:
oh god Tiffy you're right, it's way too easy! ROFL
Tiffers:
lmao
Tiffers:
I was cracking up over here
Bizzler:
I HATE BOTH OF YOU BITCHES!!!!!!

As you can clearly see, Bizzler would be your last choice in a Harry Potter trivia competition.

Marriage Ends In Tattoo Shocker!

Even though I am currently going on three hours of sleep, and we aren't even being crazy tonight and I have no chats to look through for old material, Nicmouse and Crutchurtle have provided me more wonderfulness to share.

Nicmouse and Crutchurtle first developed their love affair a few months ago. How it began, I can not remember, what I do know is that they are a lovely wife/wife pair. I cannot tell you how many chats reveal to us how much Mrs. Nicmouse and Mrs. Crutchurtle love each other, and how many times they need to be reminded to lock their bedroom door. There are some things this dear author never wants to see.

Tonight as we were talking about life goals, and whether we wanted to go to space (I really have no idea why Bizzler asked us this, but she did) and of course it led to this inevitable conversation, which I fear may break up the formerly very hot, very sexy, lesbian duo.


Nicmouse says:
you know what else people say that is true?
Nicmouse says:
tattoos are addictive
Cruchurtle says:
yesssss..........
Cruchurtle says:
*will not get another one*
Bizzler says:
They put crack in the ink <------- (Bizzler + Crack = best friends)
Cruchurtle says:
*bites nails*
Nicmouse says:
you have a tattoo?
Cruchurtle says:
yeah.
Nicmouse says:
did i know this?
Cruchurtle says:
you didn't know that?
Nicmouse says:
apparently not
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Cruchurtle says:
hahaha
Cruchurtle says:
I'm the only one of us who does I think
Nicmouse says:
i have two
Nicmouse says:
lol
Cruchurtle says:
what?
Cruchurtle says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
ROFL
Cruchurtle says:
dude.
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Cruchurtle says:
this is sad
Nicmouse says:
we are teh worst married couple EVER
Cruchurtle says:
we're married.
Bizzler says:
For SHAME
Cruchurtle says:
we need to spend more quality naked time together.
Nicmouse says:
we totally do
Nicmouse says:
next week
Nicmouse says:
naked sunday
Cruchurtle says:
you can't see mine 'less I'm nakey
Cruchurtle says:
or wearing really skimpy underwear.
Nicmouse says:
you can only see one of mine if i'm naked

Well, maybe the crisis was averted for now, but I do have to say I am slightly worried about their relationship since they had no idea that their lover had a tattoo.

I guess the love affair of Nicmouse and Crutchurtle only happens when the lights are out! ;)

EDIT: Just so we are all clear

Bizzler says:
There really wasnt a reason
Bizzler says:
I was just sitting here pondering space
Bizzler says:
Like ya do

Well I guess that explains that!

Clifford Becomes An Inspiration!

In honor of all the stupid, maddening things said in MSN chats over the last year, I bring to you what will surely be a very entertaining collection to show how completely and utterly insane we all are. Don't worry, your identities will be protected by yours truly. In honor of this new blog, I give you a finer moment of the night from dear sweet Bizzler.

This link might explain why I was even talking about Clifford to begin with: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735418


Tiffers says:
awww I forgot about clifford
Tiffers says:
what a freaky ass dog
Bizzler says:
Awwww, Clifford
Bizzler says:
I always wanted a huge dog like that
Bizzler says:
But I wanted him so he could eat people I didnt like
Bizzler says:
Which I dont think happened in those books....

I will be going back through many and many chat logs to bring you more entertainment!