Harpoons & Losers

Randomness...what else?

2008-08-26T16:12:00.002-06:00

Because it's been mentioned recently that this has gone too long without an update. Plus, I'm bored.

Bizz says: I want brownies
Spifferdoodle says: I want smores
Bizz says: brownie smores!!!!!!!
Bizz says: Not sure what that is but it sounds good
Spifferdoodle says: LMAO
Bizz says: smornies
Bizz says: ROFL
Bizz says: Must market that

THE BIRTH OF SMORNIES! Legendary convo. And this next one was seriously how the conversation BEGAN. Right off the bat it was insane. I love how Crutchurtle just goes with it. This is why she's awesome. :D (C= Crutchurtle):

Scrib says: If Tim Gunn doesnt win every one of those damn Bravo awards I'm starting a riot. You with me? It will be more threatening if more than one person is involved.
C says: one-person riots are very rarely successful.
C says: what shall our two-person riot entail?
Scrib says: I haven't planned that out yet. I imagine lots of smashing of windows will be involved. And blowing things up. So we're gonna need to make some bombs.
C says: oh I'm out then. didn't you see on the news that some guy up near here blew himself and his house up accidentally?
C says: baaaaaaaad
Scrib says: Crutchurtle...this is for TIM. We're doing it for Tim. Risks need to be taken.
C says: I'm not blowing myself UP for Tim Gunn!!
C says: baaaanonos!
Scrib says: *sigh* Fine, I'll handle the bombs. Or maybe we can bribe someone else into doing it for us... *ponders* Someone we wouldnt mind getting blowed up on accident.
Scrib says: Ryan Seacrest?
C says: you can make the bombs and strap them to Seacrest, I'll hold the remote detonator that's disguised as a nintendo DS.
Scrib says: BRILLIANT! I'll tell him there's another job opportunity for him down the block and he'll go running down the streets. It's perfect.
C says: fantastic!
Scrib says: Take that Bravo. ^_^
C says: what do we do if Tim wins at least 50% though?
C says: blow up Seacrest for laughs? ^_^
Scrib says: Uhhh YEAH. I aint wasting all that good bombing material.
C says: yaaaaaaaaaaay!!!!
Scrib says: (clearly I've gone mental)
C says: no more than normal
Scrib says: Really? That's reassuring.
C says: yep
Scrib says: So plotting against Bravo whilst simultaneously setting out to blow Ryan Seacrest to smithereens is normal for me. Awesome.

And because it's not a Scrib blog post without some mention of Jesus (these fittingly happened on Easter):

Nic says: work suuuuuuuuuuucks
Scrib says: Jesus sucks for not coming back on a Monday. <_<

C says: once my mom had a bit too much mescaline and thought Jesus was in the shower with her (it was Christmas morning) and she wished him a happy birthday and he said thank you and they talked about the state of mankind and whatnot.
Scrib says: ROFL

Scrib says: Jesus believes the children are our future.

Nic says: jesus is a BAMF

Spiff says: *knits Bizzy a book cover for her bible*
Spiff says: *and makes action figure Jesus some hot pants*
Scrib says: Oh he'll be SO happy!!
Spiff says: I'm glad my gift could bring you closer to our savior

Nic says: do you know what i told my mom i want for my birthday?
Nic says: easter candy. from the clearance aisle. it tastes just as good on monday as it did on saturday
Scrib says: Jesus died for that candy.
Nic: SCRIB!
Scrib: I CAN'T STOP

Aaaaand more totally random ones:

Nic says: evil. just like small children.

The Nun says: wtf is a death cab and why would anyone want to get into it?
C says: to be with cutie
Spiff says: death cab for cutie!
C says: duh
Spiff says: *rocks out*
The Nun says: i think im missing something here...
Scrib says: It's like Cash Cab except every time you get an answer wrong, you die

C says: Nic is lovely, she swears like a sailor on shore leave

Nic says: "I'm glad i do not have to be nice to you bitches."
Nic says: i think that about sums up our friendship, don't you?

Scrib says: You can suck it.
Nic says: DID YOU JUST USE SUCK IT AGAINST ME?!
Nic says: I INVENTED SUCK IT!!!!!!!

The best part about that conversation was that Crutch made a t-shirt for it: http://i27.tinypic.com/2ch2dfr.jpg

____

References to Movies I Haven't Seen

2008-07-13T03:12:00.004-06:00

Nic is totally taking over the world. Or at least the blogs, because here I am to share with you the conversation Bizz and I just had!

Nic says:
and i have a strange attraction to the word "wee" lately
Bizz says:
Because you're wee!
Bizz says:
^^
Bizz says:
Wee Nic
Nic says:
*snort*
Bizz says:
You are the Ewok to my Chewbacca
Bizz says:
rofl
Nic says:
one of these days i'm going to type something odd in (this is the part where I interrupted what I was typing to react)
Nic says:
rofl
Nic says:
seriously?!
Nic says:
*dies*
Bizz says:
rofl
Nic says:
BAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA

TIME CATS!!!

2008-07-09T22:27:00.001-06:00

For the sake of my (remaining) sanity, Crutchurtle will be abbreviated to the letter C. And now I give you pure, uncensored epicness.

C says:
do you know what I totally have an unreasonable, inexplicable craving for right now?
C says:
Snickers ice cream bars.
Bizz says:
OMG
C says:
I could eat like, three.
Bizz says:
Those are so fucking good
Bizz says:
I havent had one in YEARS
C says:
I haven't either.
C says:
but this snickers ice cream from the local place has been sticking with me.
C says:
and now I crave the idea of it.
C says:
in any form.
Bizz says:
mmmmmmmm
Bizz says:
damn it
C says:
I know.
C says:
now you want one too.
C says:
and we've yet to perfect our passing shit through our monitors technology even for brownies.
Bizz says:
Yeah what the hell
C says:
I can't imagine ice cream would fare any better
Bizz says:
It's gotta work one of these times
C says:
yeah, but should it fail, ice cream... you know.... actually causes DAMAGE to my computer.
Bizz says:
fucking A, where is that damn teleport already?? What year is it? Shouldn't we have one of those by now?
C says:
2008. we SO should. maybe by 2010
Bizz says:
We better.
Bizz says:
I bet Stephen Hawking totally already has one in his garage.
C says:
so how many years would those have to be in existence for you to agree they're safe enough to travel by?
C says:
because I mean, you know people thought automobiles and airplanes were death traps for ages.
C says:
and this is actually transporting your molecules and junk.
C says:
not just something you're traveling IN
Bizz says:
um...I basically just need to see a trial run
Bizz says:
And if the dude doesnt come out all inverted or something then I'm good to go
C says:
but what if the dude doesn't, but someone else somewhere does??
C says:
do you stop using it?
Bizz says:
Well first I'd have to make sure there werent any flies in there with me. I do NOT want that happening.
C says:
or spiders.
Bizz says:
OMG
Bizz says:
I would just kill myself
C says:
da na na na na na na na SPIDER GIRLLLLL!
Bizz says:
LMAO
C says:
(you knew that was the batman theme, yes? ^_^)
Bizz says:
Yes
C says:
wheeeee!!!
C says:
we're equally retarded!!!! XD
Bizz says:
It reminded me of when Peter did it and crawled on the clothesline
C says:
LMAO
C says:
not. sexy.
Bizz says:
No. rofl
Bizz says:
So wait, someone somewhere else would get inverted? How does that make sense?
C says:
not related.
Bizz says:
You're clearly misinformed when it comes to teleport mechanics.
C says:
I mean, like, okay, you saw a succesful airplane flight.
C says:
awesome.
C says:
but there HAVE been plane crashes.
Bizz says:
Ohhhhhhh
Bizz says:
Well what if there's only one teleport machine
C says:
that sucks balls. what's the point in only one teleport machine?
Bizz says:
And it works totally fine the first time when I force someone else to go before me.
C says:
you can't even get ANYWHERE if there's only one.
Bizz says:
Well it'll be MINE
Bizz says:
Oh
Bizz says:
Well then you have the other one
C says:
you have to go from one machine to the other, don't you?
C says:
whoah whoah whoah
C says:
I don't want a teleport machine
Bizz says:
WHAT?
C says:
what if some dudes from the future come through it and kill me?!?!
Bizz says:
How will we send awesome shit to each other?
Bizz says:
Pfffff, if anyone comes to visit you from the future it'll be me
C says:
okay, I'll have one that's like, the size of a microwave.
C says:
MY POINT EXACTLY!
Bizz says:
And I'll tell you not to get on the plane or something
C says:
ROFL
Bizz says:
AND SAVE YOUR LIFE
C says:
you'll KILL ME THREE TIMES YOU WHORE!
Bizz says:
LMAO
Bizz says:
I'll be like Marty McFly
Bizz says:
Or the Professor dude
C says:
or the Iranian motherfuckers with machine guns....
Bizz says:
Wait...A MICROWAVE?
Bizz says:
You want a pansy teleport machine
C says:
one that can't fit KILLERS through it!!!
Bizz says:
Okay, well what if a killer house cat decided to come back? HMMMM???
Bizz says:
What then
Bizz says:
You're screwed that's what
Bizz says:
So you might as well just get a big one
Bizz says:
/teleport logic
C says:
you think Nic's going to breed those?
Bizz says:
besides I'm totally gonna want to come back from the future to hang with you
C says:
in like, 2050 or something?
C says:
and send one back to kill me?
Bizz says:
I sense an awesome movie idea forming
C says:
where's Karl?
Bizz says:
KARL! He needs to be in on this, seriously
Bizz says:
We'll get Clive Warren
C says:
to play the HOUSECAT?! :P there's no WAY he'll fit in a microwave.
Bizz says:
ROFL
C says:
I think I just outed myself as more insane than you with that one, didn't I?
Bizz says:
He'll be the sexy renegade government agent who got fired for being a badass and now has to earn back the respect of his colleagues.
Bizz says:
And I will play the love interest
C says:
ohhhhh
Bizz says:
*smod*
C says:
what the hell do I do then?
C says:
get killed by a cat?
C says:
this movie is LAME
Bizz says:
This movie is AWESOME
Bizz says:
It'll be called TIME CATS!

And that is how a perfectly normal conversation turns into one that is batshit insane. Seriously though, that would be an awesome movie.

One Liners and Other Inappropriate Crap

2008-02-11T21:11:00.000-07:00

I am feeling nice tonight and so that you will all be amused for a few weeks I have compiled a nice list of various one-liners and other amusing little tidbits for your enjoyment. I have probably taken most of these out of context, it is more amusing that way. Complain and I will beat you with a stiletto heel - you have been warned.

Tiffers says:
I bought myself a chocolate bar in the shape of a man
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
lol
Bizzler says:
I bought pickles. Which is almost the same thing.

Crutchturtle says:
it's like when you convince kids to smoke crack for the first time, you have to let them know how awesome it will be

Tiffers says:
I would rather have a girl than a boy
Nicmouse says:
me too
Bizzler says:
I'd rather have a baby dinosaur

Bizzler says:
I want a dinosaur and I want to name him....
Bizzler says:
Oh man, Billy and Jesus could be friends

Crutchturtle says:
Here comesNairelbircs, here comes Nairelbircs, Hide your eyes in fear! She's gotthe toys for the girls and boys Who've been oh so bad this year! Lumpsof coal, here comes the Mole With canons she will fight So jump in bedand cover your head 'Cause Nairelbircs comes tonight!

Tiffers says:
We wish youwere feeling better;
We wish you weren't hacking up lungs;
We wish you weren't loaded up on cough syrup and we miss our Bizzy.
Healing thoughts we bring to you and your burning throat;
Hopeful thoughts that someday my diseased wifey will return.
Oh, bring us back a crazy Bizzy;
Oh, bring us our sarcastic Scribbles;
Oh, bring us a healthy Raina and leave the dirty tissues at home.
Refrain
We won't go until we get her;
We won't go until she's well;
We won't go until her flu is gone,
so bring us our Bizzlebutt:
Refrain
We wish you were feeling better;
We wish you weren't contagious;
We wish you weren't so sick and playing with us!

Nicmouse says:
so what does he give her?
Bizzler says:
herpes
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Nimouse says:
nice reentrance.
Bizzler says:
Came back just in time

(Two seconds later)

Crutchurtle says:
you're trying to impress her? with the diamonds?
Nicmouse says:
nope
Bizzler says:
Get her two tickets to the gun show
Nicmouse says:
Just get her a good present
Bizzler says:
ROFL*is done now*
Nicmouse says:
bizz, your suggesting privileges are revoked.

Tiffers says:
Aw! The girl who ain't got no legs is finally walking again - good for her!

Bizzler says:
You know what else is the gift that keeps on giving?
Bizzler says:
herpes

Bizzler says:
Okay,so I was in the kitchen with my brother and he was leaving to go to a party and he stopped to try and fix his jacket zipper so I took alemon off the counter and slipped it into his jacket pocket. He TOTALLY didnt notice and he drove away with it like that. ROFL He's gonna get to his party and put his hand in there, pull out the lemonand look like a nutcase.
Tiffers says:
you are such a dork

Bizzler says:
Drink water
Bizzler says:
That's the advice that works with almost every ailment
Bizzler says:
*has no idea if it will help*
Tiffers says:
hahaha
Tiffers says:
did that help with your herpes?
Bizzler says:
No, but oddly enough your crabs medication did. I found it in our medicine cabinet. XD

Tiffers says:
you'll have to iron out those details yourself
Bizzler says:
Ironing out the parachute is a BITCH I'll tell you that much.
Bizzler says:
ROFL I seriously dont understand why you guys talk to me.

Bizzy says:
BUT I've never crashed into anything. Or gotten a ticket.
Bizzy says:
*just jinxed herself*
Bizzy says:
My brother has gotten more than he can count
Bizzy says:
So like, 5
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Tiffers says:
ZING!
Bizzler says:
Ahhh, I crack myself up

Tiffers says:
I want to throw an orange at someone's head, just to see if it breaks openand squirts orange juice at everyone

The Nun says:
(Bizz, explosive diarrhea wasn't enough at 10 vials abou, you had to add the measles at 12?! Mara just had brain fever, Irested for one day and she's all better! Nic: a snake bite, threevials. Suck it up, sleeze bag!)

I will post some more later on this week when I am feeling less tired - don't you worry - there is always lots of crazy comments to repeat.

Need Proof of Bizzler's Age - Here It Is!

2008-01-22T13:01:00.000-07:00

It has been forever since I posted - I know, I have been a bad girl. *is spanked* So I'll start with this and try and find some good stuff later on to post. For reference - we were watching Kate and Leopold on You Tube.

Bizzler says:
That would be so cool to do that. Go back in time and just wander around.
Miss Spifferdoodle says:
yeah
Miss Spifferdoodle says:
until you had to use the loo
Crutchurtle says:
only if you could come back though
Bizzler says:
Well yeah
Crutchurtle says:
I was just thinking, until you wanted a hot shower
Miss Spifferdoodle says:
we worry about the important stuff
Bizzler says:
They didnt know what they were missing
Crutchurtle says:
no one can wear white pants like him. *sigh*
Nicmouse says:
wheeeeeeeeeeeeee
Nicmouse says:
finished!
Crutchurtle says:
yay!!!!!
Crutchurtle says:
would you like to watch Kate & Leopold with us, or go to bed on time?
Bizzler says:
He's climbing the erection!
Crutchurtle says:
......
Crutchurtle says:
okay, YOU'RE 12, not 13
Nicmouse says:
i'ma go to bed
Bizzler says:
Er...we're not watching porn
Nicmouse says:
i know you aren't
Nicmouse says:
kinky girls

We do love our movie nights.

TitaNicmouse!

2007-11-18T22:34:00.000-07:00

I decided that this blog entry would be a few random conversations that have occured lately that I found to be humorous. The title of this blog come from my way awesome Microsoft Word program that decided to change the word 'Titanic' to 'TitaNicmouse' when I was using the replace feature to change the names of the conversation participants to shield the innocent. You didn't really need to hear that story, but I wanted to tell it, so deal with it.

-This first one is pretty easy to figure out, I was reading about the death of one of the last two remaning Titanic survivors, and Bizzler decided to show God exactly why she deserves to send eternity with Satan.

Tiffers says:
only one titanic survivor still living!
Tiffers says:
now I wanna watch titanic
Bizzler says:
It would probably be mean to take them on a cruise and get everyone on the boat to start running around screaming that it's sinking, huh?
Tiffers says:
hell......that's where you belong
Bizzler says:
I've accepted it

- I find this next one funny, because I can imagine us all sitting at our computers with a glassy eyed expression as we attempted to figure out what we were supposed to be telling the Nun.

The Nun says:
Okay, what's the first thing you think of when I say "A data mart is to a data warehouse, as layers are to an _ _ _ _ _."
Nicmouse says:
hangman. it looks like hangman. *is stupid*
Crutchurtle says:
cake doesn't have five letters, Nun
Bizzler says:
Can I buy a vowel?
Crutchurtle says:
onion?
The Nun says:
Omg if this is the responses i get on Monday, I’m getting an F
Tiffers says:
well we aren't taking the class
Tiffers says:
so we are a little lost
The Nun says:
*seriously fucking dies*
Crutchurtle says:
we don't know what a data walmart IS
The Nun says:
I cannot breathe
Crutchurtle says:
or a data warehouse
The Nun says:
yes onion is correct
Crutchurtle says:
YAAAAAAY!

-This next one is actually courtesy of Crutchturtle and a conversation she heard between two woman while she was working one day! :D

Two women conversing on how much they hate their AA sponsors:

Genius #1:
She just keeps telling me it's a disease and you gotta battle it like you battle cancer or shit like that. She says it's heriditary. Fuck that, it's so stupid when people think that things like this are hereditary.
Genius #2:
Hey, is your brother still in jail?
Genius #1:
Yep.

-Last, but not least, this last one was inspired when Bizzler gave me a "baby" as a free gift on Facebook. Okay, okay, so I may have given her a poisonous Turkey as a free gift first, but nobody wants a freaking baby!

Tiffers says:
I DON'T WANT A BABY!
Bizzler says:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Bizzler says:
S'what you get
Tiffers says:
THIS IS WAR ZIPPO!
Bizzler says:
For giving me a poisonous turkey
Bizzler says:
Oh I'm so frightened
Tiffers says:
where is the giant STD Man Junk when you need it *grumbles*
Bizzler says:
Yeah, how could they have not made THAT a gift
Bizzler says:
Geez
Tiffers says:
losers
Tiffers says:
pfft!
Bizzler says:
Lame
Crutchurtle says:
you know what?
Crutchurtle says:
War Zippo sounds like the brother that Bizzler must keep in the closet.
Crutchurtle says:
Race, War,
Bizzler says:
Hey, that's pretty cool
Bizzler says:
War Zippo. He must be where I got the cannon from.

Well, that is all I have for now, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving! Watch out for those poisonous Turkeys!

I See Your Birthday Girl and Raise You One Drunken Rapper

2007-11-05T23:09:00.000-07:00

Miss Ann, in honor of your birthday, I have a very special transcript for you. One that I think we can all agree provided us with many hours of laughter and a few bouts of frustration. Here are some of those lovely highlights! Drunken teenager rappers are quite a chatty breed......

Crutchurtle says:
oh Jesus.
Tiffers says:
JESUS!
Duct Tape says:
CHRITS!

Duct Tape says:
I'm writing in windows and not knowing who I'm talking to!
Duct Tape says:
IT'S CRAZY !

Duct Tape says:
It's the Bizzlerbler!
Duct Tape says:
the Bizzlerbah rooni
Duct Tape says:
the big Bizzler
Duct Tape says:
the twizzler
Duct Tape says:
the bizzy bee of a twizzler
Duct Tape says:
yo mon

Duct Tape says:
I should make one for you
Duct Tape says:
TIFFY IS SO SPIFFY! SHE'S A SWIFFER OF A GAL! AND SHE CLEANS THE FLOORS, BUT SHE STILL SMELLS GOOD!
Tiffers says:
when do I ever clean floors?
Bizzler says:
Tiffers, swiffer....I get it
Duct Tape says:
BizzlerBY BIBBLY THE BUBBLE! I LOVE HER CUZ SHE HAS TWIZZLERS! AND SHE
SHARES CUZ SHE'S AWESOMELY BizzlerBLY WITH A WIBBLE!
Duct Tape says:
MARA RHYMES WITH SARA BUT NOT REALLY AT THE SAME TIME! AND SHE HAS A HIPPY MIDDLE NAME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER! AND SHE LIKES TO HOWL AT THE MOON!
Duct Tape says:
BUT NOT REALLY!
Duct Tape says:
SWIFFER LIKES TO MAKE OUT WITH TWIZZLER!
Crutchurtle says:
what?
Tiffers says:
well we're married
Crutchurtle says:
I howl at the moon?
Duct Tape says:
AND TOGETHER THEY ARE A SWIZZLER !
Duct Tape says:
AND THEN THEY HAD Crutchurtle WHO IS HALF WEREWORLF BECAUSE I SAID SO
Bizzler says:
*DIES*
Tiffers says:
Wereworlf
Duct Tape says:
SO THEY ARE SWIZZLARA!
Duct Tape says:
AND THEY LIVE IN A TIPI!
Crutchurtle says:
I'm like, half werewolf, half that guy from Star Trek.
Duct Tape says:
BECAUSE THERE'S BETTER ACCESS!
Duct Tape says:
TO THE MOON!
Duct Tape says:
BUT SWIFFER STILL SMELLS GOOD
Duct Tape says:
CUZ SHE CLEANS THE FLOORS EVERY DAY
Duct Tape says:
AND THEY EAT TWIZZLERS
Tiffers says:
apparently caps are the theme tonight
Duct Tape says:
AND THEN THE ACCIDENTALLY EAT BIZZLER
Crutchurtle says:
Does anyone here think she will remember this all in the morning? If you do, raise your hand.
Crutchurtle says:
*sits on her hands*
Bizzler says:
DONT EAT ME!
Tiffers says:
*is still cracking up*
Duct Tape says:
AND THEN THE TIPI FALLS DOWN
Duct Tape says:
AND SWIFFLER IS TRAMPLED BY WEREWOLFS NEW PACK
Crutchurtle says:
oh no!
Duct Tape says:
CUZ SHE NEVER REALLY LIKED TWIZZLERS
Duct Tape says:
OR SPIFFERS SMELL
Crutchurtle says:
ooooh
Tiffers says:
you killed me?
Duct Tape says:
mwahahahaah
Crutchurtle says:
no, my new pack did

Duct Tape says:
I LOOOVEEE water
Duct Tape says:
I love water so much
Duct Tape says:
water is so good
Crutchurtle says:
you should drink lots of it
Duct Tape says:
Bizzlerbly has big sunglasses

Duct Tape says:
it's awesome!
Duct Tape says:
I love water!
Tiffers says:
DUCT TAPE!
Duct Tape says:
but I love coke more
Crutchurtle says:
yes, I want you to read the label back to me on the asprin
Duct Tape says:
TIFF!
Tiffers says:
focus!
Duct Tape says:
focused boss

Duct Tape says:
no wait I do!
Duct Tape says:
but it's over there
Duct Tape says:
and I'm over here
Crutchurtle says:
you need to go get it
Duct Tape says:
and that's uncool
Crutchurtle says:
I need you to read it to me
Duct Tape says:
but it's dark
Tiffers says:
just do it quick
Duct Tape says:
and my wash is hanging up
Crutchurtle says:
hurry!
Duct Tape says:
and my roomies asleep
Crutchurtle says:
I need it!
Tiffers says:
it will all be over soon
Duct Tape Girl says:
no you don't!
Crutchurtle says:
please!
Duct Tape says:
you liar!
Crutchurtle says:
yes I do
Duct Tape says:
I can't send it to you!
Crutchurtle says:
I need you to read the label to me
Tiffers says:
Omg she is a child
Duct Tape says:
I don't have any packaging
Crutchurtle says:
you don't have to send it to me.
Crutchurtle says:
I just need you to read me the label
Crutchurtle says:
and take two
Duct Tape says:
well you can't get it through the internet
Tiffers says:
with the water
Duct Tape says:
everyone knows that
Tiffers says:
it will make you feel better
Crutchurtle says:
I know.
Tiffers says:
lots better
Crutchurtle says:
but.... it interacts with my meds
Crutchurtle says:
so I need you to read me the label
Crutchurtle says:
so I know what it says on there
Crutchurtle says:
please?
Bizzler says:
She's rhyming my name
Tiffers says:
fuck
Crutchurtle says:
*sigh*
Bizzler says:
I'm a smibbler
Duct Tape says:
Advil
Crutchurtle says:
okay
Crutchurtle says:
take the advil
Duct Tape says:
100 Ibuprofen tablets
Crutchurtle says:
two of them
Duct Tape says:
200 mg
Tiffers says:count out two
Duct Tape says:
pain reliever/fever reducer
Duct Tape says:
read and keep carton for complete warnings and information
Crutchurtle says:
thank you so much Duct Tape!!
Duct Tape says:
see also http://www.advil.com/
Crutchurtle says:
hey, could you take two of those?
Duct Tape says:
uses
Tiffers says:
Do you still have your water hun?
Crutchurtle says:
with a big glass of water?
Crutchurtle says:
it's okay, I don't need the uses.
Crutchurtle says:
I just needed that thing about pain reliever, there.
Crutchurtle says:
but thank you!
Crutchurtle says:
could you take two of them for me?
Duct Tape says:
temproraily relieves minor aches and pains due to headache, muscular aches, menstrual cramps, the common cold, backache, toothache, minor pain of arthritis
Duct Tape says:
temporarily reduces fever
Duct Tape says:
directions
Tiffers says:
perfect! Now you just have to take two for Tiffy and Crutchurtle
Duct Tape Girl says:
do not take more than directed the smallest effective does should be used
Duct Tape says:
do not take longer than 10 days, unless directed by a doctor
Duct Tape says:
my hands are cramping
Crutchurtle says:
that was all I needed
Crutchurtle says:
thank you!!
Crutchurtle says:
could you take two of those though?
Tiffers says:
did you take any yet hun?
Crutchurtle says:
two advil?
Bizzler says:
Take the damn pills Duct Tape!

Duct Tape says:
I got you Bizzlerber
Duct Tape says:
I told Maddy that you aren't pimply
Duct Tape says:
even though you do have big sunglasses
Duct Tape says:
they're just for the sun
Bizzler says:
Hey, thanks!
Duct Tape says:
not to cover anything
Tiffers says:
okay but why would Bizzy be pimply?
Bizzler says:
No idea.
Tiffers says:
well good stuff

Bizzler says:
BOOZEY MCDRUNKERTON!

Tiffers says:
don't be mean to your wife
Tiffers says:
I'll say spousal abuse
Bizzler says:
*calls the spousal abuse hotline*
Tiffers says:
*calls faster*
Tiffers says:
I wonder if she fell asleep
Crutchurtle says:
1-800-BEAT-HER, This is Crutchurtle , who's been beating your ass today?
Tiffers says:
MY wife
Crutchurtle says:
for what, ma'am?
Tiffers says:
she beats me with a paddle
Crutchurtle says:
did you not do the dishes?
Bizzler says:
Lies
Crutchurtle says:
or make her pot pie?
Tiffers says:
I did everything I even put out!
Crutchurtle says:
okay, okay, just a moment please.
Crutchurtle says:
*clacks on her keyboard*
Crutchurtle says:
Okay, now, are you barefoot and or pregnant?
Tiffers says:
both
Crutchurtle says:
do you happen to chain smoke?
Bizzler says:
WE'RE PREGNANT?? AND YOU HAVENT TOLD ME???
Tiffers says:
maybe
Crutchurtle says:
what would you gage as your alcohol intake?
Tiffers says:
the question is what wouldn't I gage as my alcohol intake if you know what I mean
Crutchurtle says:
mhmm, I do.
Crutchurtle says:
Now, one last question.
Crutchurtle says:
Do you or your wife happen to run a meth lab in a basement, attic, spare room, or tornado shelter?
Bizzler says:
Lie. Lie right now.
Bizzler says:
Do it
Tiffers says:
no
Bizzler says:
Good wife
Crutchurtle says:
ohhhhhhh I'm sorry......
Crutchurtle says:
you JUST missed qualifying for help.
Crutchurtle says:
But, LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Duct Tape says:
damn I just gone and spilled muh drink

So, there are some of the grand highlights, and that was just from my end of the conversation, I have no idea what everyone else received! Oh, and I realize that the second to last exchange was just the sober people, but yeah, it's why we are going to hell, so we might as well share!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANN!!!!

Best One Liners

2007-10-01T22:53:00.001-06:00

Just as the title suggests, tonight I find myself wanting to show some of the wonderful and crazy one-liners that we have aquired over time. Sometimes there is more attached, but alas I am lazy and find myself only wanting to share the funny bits. So here they are, in all of their glory!

The Nun:
How do you feel about rewriting the story to occur in the outback? I could do kangaroos [The Nun on her amazing graphics skills]

Crutchurtle says:
Mine [Grandma] had purse mints. Which are mints with lint and a slight metallic tang

Tiffers says:
*uses a crazy man calf manuever to send her flying on her back* TAKE THAT YOU ARIZONA FLOOZY!

Bizzler says:
Pettigrew sucks. *throws a rock at his head*

The Nun says:
I am a graphics god... bow down to me.

Bizzler says:
William will sew little caterpillars to your FACE!

Cructhurtle says:
but my question is: HOW THE FUCK DID THEY MAKE ORLANDO BLOOM LOOK HOT ENOUGH FOR ME TO WANT TO SHAG HIM SENSELESS?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?

Nicmouse says:
pirate hooker...i was one of those last week

Bizzler says:
*stares at her stash* Everyone steals from me. *sigh*

The Nun:
Looks more like sand... could dung have been swept into a tree by a tsunami instead of in the forbidden forest, that explains the croc chasing her too.

Crutchurtle says:
*bleepity wonk waow bleep* (that means 'how DARE you, Madame)

Tiffers says:
You cake bitch!

Bizzler says:
I think you should put that you live in the United States of Scribbie. I'm a generous ruler, only hang people on Sundays.

The Nun:
Go back to your birthing box!!!

Crutchurtle says:
You'll both be like, little old ladies in your rocking chairs. And out of the blue, The Nun will reach over and grab your boob, and you'll laugh, and cough, and die.

Bizzler says:
I had a dream where Nic got married to Kaylon. ROFL And all of us went to her wedding. *dies*

Tiffers says:
Hey now...big boobs don't make you a blonde-headed ditz who can't spell her freaking retarded food sounding name like Cookie or Muffin.

The Nun:
On pantsless dung? you'e never wanted to experiece the wonder of a big schlong?

Tiffer says:
I'll staple egg rolls to YOUR FACE!!!

Bizzler says:
She didn't have no legs!!!

Nicmouse says:
Also, everyone should listen to Willy Nelson and marvel at the fact that he's still alive after being that drunk and stoned for so many years.

This is just the tip of the iceburg, I will be doing my best to round up some more! :D

Jerry + His Girls = One Messy Stage

2007-09-21T01:55:00.000-06:00

Tonight we were playing the ever popular either/or game, where you have to choose the lesser of two evils. Whether it be a person to shag, or a series of books, you have to commit to one answer. Things turned slightly awkward though when we turned it to a more personal note, and ended up writing our very own Jerry Springer script.

Nicmouse says:
fine, i shall ask:
Nicmouse says:
Nicmouse or Nick?
Nicmouse says:
Nick
Bizzler says:
Nicmouse
Tiffers says:
Nick
Crutchurtle says:
BOTH!!!!
Nicmouse says:
lol
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
*wails*
Crutchurtle says:
it's my FANTASY!
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Crutchurtle says:
hookay, fine then. *turns tables on her wife and her wife on a table. *
Crutchurtle says:
Kaylon or Bizzy's brother!
Nicmouse says:
woot!
Nicmouse says:
oh fuck
Crutchurtle says:
bwahahahaha!
Nicmouse says:
Race
Bizzler says:
Kaylon
Tiffers says:
Race
Bizzler says:
Obvioulsy
Crutchurtle says:
(no one else has to answer)
Nicmouse says:
ew, dirty
Crutchurtle says:
that was really just for her.
Tiffers says:
I don't know what kaylon looks like
Bizzler says:
rofl
Nicmouse says:
meh
Nicmouse says:
he's average
Crutchurtle says:
see, both of them are funny to scream
Nicmouse says:
you know what would dhappen?
Bizzler says:
Okay, you're done
Crutchurtle says:
soooo....
Nicmouse says:
bizz, this will be icky
Tiffers says:
RACE!!! to the finish line!
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
YOU ARE DONE
Nicmouse says:
cover your eyes!
Crutchurtle says:
Raina.
Nicmouse says:
i would end up saying "racer"
Nicmouse says:
which is my cat's name at home
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Bizzler says:
*DIES*
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
do you EVER think we are having sex with your brother?
Crutchurtle says:
no
Crutchurtle says:
clearly not
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
bahahahaha
Crutchurtle says:
Tiffers already has crabs
Tiffers says:
HEY!
Crutchurtle says:
she doesn't need herpes.
Nicmouse says:
*fucking dies*
Bizzler says:
omfg stop *covers eyes*
Crutchurtle says:
*mutters* fucking disease riddled family.....
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Tiffers says:
rofl
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
lol
Nicmouse says:
Crutchurtle, i think it's still you
Tiffers says:
oh Bizzler, we'll never even meet your brother, let alone get drunk enough to think sleeping with him is a good idea
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Nicmouse says:
true
Bizzler says:
Oh JESUS LORD
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Tiffers says:
I don't think all the alcohol in the world would work
Bizzler says:
Thank god
Crutchurtle says:
this is fun to scare her like this though.
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Bizzler says:
I'm glad my horror amuses you
Nicmouse says:
it does
Crutchurtle says:
Bizzler, I found my solution. I don't need to run, I don't need a weapon, I'll just take off all my clothes.
Tiffers says:
would almost be funny to have Crutchurtle friend Race on facebook and have her relationship status be married to him
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
ROFL
Nicmouse says:
OMG
Nicmouse says:
*dies*
Nicmouse says:
i think i need to sleep
Bizzler says:
His girlfriend is so dumb she'd be like, "WHEN DID YOU GET MARRIED?? I HATE YOU!"
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Crutchurtle says:
I cannot marry him. I'd have a thing for my sister in law, and you KNOW that gets you on Springer.
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Tiffers says:
you better not touch my wife
Bizzler says:
lmao
Crutchurtle says:
"So, Race, your wife has something to tell you" *crowd goes ooooooooh*
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Crutchurtle says:
"Your sister and I shower together!"
Bizzler says:
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!
Crutchurtle says:
*gets shot by Tiff in a jealous rage*
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Crutchurtle says:
*bodyguards tackle her*
Crutchurtle says:
*hopefully Nicmouse is sobbing over my body*
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
lol
Crutchurtle says:
Race screams "WHAT THE FUCK DID i MARRY INTO!!!" and runs from the stage.
Crutchurtle says:
it gets messy.

I don't know about you, but I would totally Tivo that shit!

Luna: Pet or Food?

2007-09-18T00:02:00.000-06:00

As I am sure most of you are aware, Crutchurtle has a pet radish on facebook, and if you weren't aware of that, I just told you. Now, Luna, as this radish has been named, is quite honestly a BAMF (if you don't know what a BAMF is, please slap yourself on the forehead for being a moron, and never return to my blog. Thanks.) Tonight I made the mistake of questioning the idea of a radish as a pet, and oh boy was I put in my place.

Tiffers says:
awww Luna is rosy-cheeked
Crutchurtle says:
hmm?
Tiffers says:
your radish
Tiffers says:
is rosy-cheeked
Crutchurtle says:
is she?
Tiffers says:
yeah
Crutchurtle says:
she's a good little radish, Luna.
Tiffers says:
I still find it funny that we pet her
Crutchurtle says:
why?
Crutchurtle says:
she's my pet!
Tiffers says:
she's a radish!
Tiffers says:
you don't pet vegetables
Crutchurtle says:
how dare you!
Crutchurtle says:
fuck you Tiffers, fuck you.
Nicmouse says:
whoa
Crutchurtle says:
She said that they shouldn't pet my fluff friend because she's a vegetable, not animal!
Nicmouse says:
ROFL
Nicmouse says:
okay, you scared me for real
Tiffers says:
I just think it should be called something else
Tiffers says:
like...pruning
Crutchurtle says:
pffft.
Tiffers says:
or something
Crutchurtle says:
don't you come at her with a knife.
Nicmouse says:
omg, wtf did you bring me into?
Tiffers says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
she will bust a cap in your ASS
Nicmouse says:
LMAO
Tiffers says:
I'm sorry she went off!
Tiffers says:
it was so unexpected!
Nicmouse says:
*dies*
Crutchurtle says:
don't you apologize for me!
Crutchurtle says:
I'll just stop petting Turkleton, how will that be?
Tiffers says:
I wonder if he will die
Tiffers says:
if I don't feed him
Tiffers says:
then I get some pet tofu or some crap like that
Nicmouse says:
you people are weird with your facebook pets
Nicmouse says:
i need a snack
Crutchurtle says:
I LOVE my facebook pet!
Crutchurtle says:
she's SO much more polite and friendly than Tiffers'
Nicmouse says:
i just think they're weird altogether, lol *resists facebook applications*
Tiffers says:
that's cause my pet is racist
Crutchurtle says:
and rude.
Tiffers says:
I am not gonna defend his actions to the likes of you
Nicmouse says:
i have no good snack food
Tiffers says:
I was considering getting a tootsie pop
Nicmouse says:
i want carbs
Crutchurtle says:
I was considering punching you in the FACE.

Looks like Crutchurtle has been picking up pointers from Bizzler.....

Why Bizzler Should Never Head A Fake Organization!

2007-09-14T23:51:00.000-06:00

Tonight we had an interesting conversation, well several, including one about whether or not Bizzler and her brother were adopted. This little post here goes to show that they are in fact biological brother and sister. I guess to understand why we doubted this in the first place you would need to understand that brother Bizzler is a bit, well, slow isn't the right word, so I will say, not so great with the talking. Bizzler is very smart and intelligent concerning almost anything that doesn't concern HP and as I learned tonight, location of letters in words.

Crutchurtle says:
I'll make a fake charity organization
Crutchurtle says:
and give you all the logo
Tiffers says:
*DIES*
Crutchurtle says:
and we put it on our envelopes
Tiffers says:
OMG that would crack me up
Bizzler says:
That
Bizzler says:
is brilliant
Bizzler says:
lol
Crutchurtle says:
and your mom will be like "WHY do you get all this mail from Save the Sea Turtles???"
Nicmouse says:
*fucking dies*
Tiffers says:
OMG I was writing that Nicmouse!
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
ROFL I'm a part of the solution not the problem MOM!
Tiffers says:
lmao
Nicmouse says:
lol
Crutchurtle says:
Just tell her you saw an MSN article about how they were poaching sea turtles so you signed up for the mailing list.
Nicmouse says:
and they are clearly a very active organization.
Scrib says:
Harpooning sea turtles!!!!
Tiffers says:
no harpooning!
Crutchurtle says:
I think I have a good alternative!
Crutchurtle says:
well I really doubt your parents will object to you raising awarness about a nearly extinct species of sealife.
Tiffers says:
lmao, no, most likely not
Crutchurtle says:
*goes to make an icon for the National Preservation of Sea Life Society
Tiffers says:
I did realize the other day when I was writing my notes, yeah, I don't write often enough, my hand started to fucking hurt
Crutchurtle says:
wait.....
Crutchurtle says:
something with a good, HP like acronymn!
Bizzler says:
SPEW!
Crutchurtle says:
no, has to end in ST for sea turtles
Crutchurtle says:
got it!
Bizzler says:
STEW!
Tiffers says:
LMAO
Bizzler says:
ROFL
Crutchurtle says:
no
Crutchurtle says:
END
Nicmouse says:
that doesn't END
Crutchurtle says:
ROFL
Nicmouse says:
lmao
Bizzler says:
rofl
Tiffers says:
OMFG I CAN'T BREATHE!
Crutchurtle says:
she is SO not adopted.
Nicmouse says:
all i come up with is MOST. which is boring.
Bizzler says:
rofl
Crutchurtle says:
PEST. Protect Endangered Sea Turtles
Nicmouse says:
WOOT
Crutchurtle says:
also, that way we're pests.
Nicmouse says:
i like it
Tiffers says:
STEW < *dies all over again*

I don't think there are really anymore words for this entry, in fact I am still giggling over it! Way to go Bizzler, you make me proud!

The Holy Birthing Box

2007-09-12T22:40:00.000-06:00

A few months ago, in a chat I can only vaguely remember, a birthing box came into play. Now my memory isn't quite what it should be, but I do believe it started in reference to Frankie the Ferret and how his birthplace was in fact a cardboard box.

Somehow I turned it into Viola Cooper having the Tavvie baby in a cardboard box because Octavius didn't love her or something. It's hard to remember, I may have been hopped up on the Zotz at that point. Anyways, long story short, the 'birthing box' reference was born, and I still like to bring it into play to this day. I find that nothing riles up Crutchurtle more than saying Cooper is hanging out in the birthing box.

The birthing box made a special appearance this evening and I felt it only fair to share:

Tiffers:
*crawls into the cooper birthing box and cries*
Crutchurtle:
*drags her out* YOU'RE NOT PREGNANT, YOU WHORE!
Crutchurtle:
no birthing box for you!
Tiffers:
LMAO
Crutchurtle:
(insert mean scary teeth baring smilie here)
Tiffers:
*draws Mara a birthing box in her letter*
Nicmouse:
oh jeebus...
Nicmouse:
i like how saying she's pregnant when she's not made her a whore...
Crutchurtle:
she is claiming to be with child.
Crutchurtle:
she has never done anything to get herself in this condition.
Nicmouse:
yep, totally makes her a whore.
Crutchurtle:
fine.
Tiffers:
LMAO
Nicmouse:
LOL
Crutchurtle:
GET OUT OF THE BIRTHING BOX, YOU COCKTEASE!
Crutchurtle:
better?
Crutchurtle:
*halo*
Nicmouse:
LMAO
Nicmouse:
OMG
Nicmouse:
*dies*
Crutchurtle:
put THAT in your blog, biyatch

And so I did! Please take an extra moment to note that I take extreme offense to my morals being in question by laughing the entire time.

Oh birthing box how I love thee...

Bizzler Get Pranked - AGAIN!

2007-09-12T01:27:00.000-06:00

Now, anybody who truly knows me, and by extension the rest of the gals who are featured here, knows that Bizzler has won the 'Worst Harry Potter Fan' award quite a few years running now, most likely every year since the idea of Harry Potter was even contrived. It is because of this fact that I make it my mission to try and trick her as often as possible.

Of course we have sadly lost the now infamous 'House Elf Riot' coversation, which was a masterpiece in itself, but one night Crutchurtle decided to test Miss Bizzler and see just how easily the chit can be fooled.

Test Results: Quite Easily

Tiffers:
dude if Harry ends up with Cho in the last book I will cry
Tiffers:
I have made myself hate her so much
Crutchurtle:
she's annoying
Bizzler:
What?? Why would he end up with her??
Bizzler:
He better not!
Bizzler:
Doesnt he not like her anymore?
Crutchurtle:
Bizzler you need to re-read Half Blood Prince
Tiffers:
lmao
Bizzler:
Why? He DOES still like her?
Bizzler:
No he doesnt
Crutchurtle:
even when he was with Ginny he saw Cho playing Quidditch
Crutchurtle:
and his stomach did the Cho flippy thing
Bizzler:
o.O
Bizzler:
Fuckin A
Crutchurtle:
the last quidditch match of that year
Bizzler:
I dont even know where my copy is
Bizzler:
Crap
Crutchurtle:
oh god Tiffy you're right, it's way too easy! ROFL
Tiffers:
lmao
Tiffers:
I was cracking up over here
Bizzler:
I HATE BOTH OF YOU BITCHES!!!!!!

As you can clearly see, Bizzler would be your last choice in a Harry Potter trivia competition.

Marriage Ends In Tattoo Shocker!

2007-09-11T00:09:00.000-06:00

Even though I am currently going on three hours of sleep, and we aren't even being crazy tonight and I have no chats to look through for old material, Nicmouse and Crutchurtle have provided me more wonderfulness to share.

Nicmouse and Crutchurtle first developed their love affair a few months ago. How it began, I can not remember, what I do know is that they are a lovely wife/wife pair. I cannot tell you how many chats reveal to us how much Mrs. Nicmouse and Mrs. Crutchurtle love each other, and how many times they need to be reminded to lock their bedroom door. There are some things this dear author never wants to see.

Tonight as we were talking about life goals, and whether we wanted to go to space (I really have no idea why Bizzler asked us this, but she did) and of course it led to this inevitable conversation, which I fear may break up the formerly very hot, very sexy, lesbian duo.

Nicmouse says:
you know what else people say that is true?
Nicmouse says:
tattoos are addictive
Cruchurtle says:
yesssss..........
Cruchurtle says:
*will not get another one*
Bizzler says:
They put crack in the ink <------- (Bizzler + Crack = best friends)
Cruchurtle says:
*bites nails*
Nicmouse says:
you have a tattoo?
Cruchurtle says:
yeah.
Nicmouse says:
did i know this?
Cruchurtle says:
you didn't know that?
Nicmouse says:
apparently not
Nicmouse says:
rofl
Cruchurtle says:
hahaha
Cruchurtle says:
I'm the only one of us who does I think
Nicmouse says:
i have two
Nicmouse says:
lol
Cruchurtle says:
what?
Cruchurtle says:
LMAO
Nicmouse says:
ROFL
Cruchurtle says:
dude.
Bizzler says:
LMAO
Cruchurtle says:
this is sad
Nicmouse says:
we are teh worst married couple EVER
Cruchurtle says:
we're married.
Bizzler says:
For SHAME
Cruchurtle says:
we need to spend more quality naked time together.
Nicmouse says:
we totally do
Nicmouse says:
next week
Nicmouse says:
naked sunday
Cruchurtle says:
you can't see mine 'less I'm nakey
Cruchurtle says:
or wearing really skimpy underwear.
Nicmouse says:
you can only see one of mine if i'm naked

Well, maybe the crisis was averted for now, but I do have to say I am slightly worried about their relationship since they had no idea that their lover had a tattoo.

I guess the love affair of Nicmouse and Crutchurtle only happens when the lights are out! ;)

EDIT: Just so we are all clear

Bizzler says:
There really wasnt a reason
Bizzler says:
I was just sitting here pondering space
Bizzler says:
Like ya do

Well I guess that explains that!

Clifford Becomes An Inspiration!

2007-09-10T02:05:00.000-06:00

In honor of all the stupid, maddening things said in MSN chats over the last year, I bring to you what will surely be a very entertaining collection to show how completely and utterly insane we all are. Don't worry, your identities will be protected by yours truly. In honor of this new blog, I give you a finer moment of the night from dear sweet Bizzler.

This link might explain why I was even talking about Clifford to begin with: http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1735418

Tiffers says:
awww I forgot about clifford
Tiffers says:
what a freaky ass dog
Bizzler says:
Awwww, Clifford
Bizzler says:
I always wanted a huge dog like that
Bizzler says:
But I wanted him so he could eat people I didnt like
Bizzler says:
Which I dont think happened in those books....

I will be going back through many and many chat logs to bring you more entertainment!