TitaNicmouse!

I decided that this blog entry would be a few random conversations that have occured lately that I found to be humorous. The title of this blog come from my way awesome Microsoft Word program that decided to change the word 'Titanic' to 'TitaNicmouse' when I was using the replace feature to change the names of the conversation participants to shield the innocent. You didn't really need to hear that story, but I wanted to tell it, so deal with it.


-This first one is pretty easy to figure out, I was reading about the death of one of the last two remaning Titanic survivors, and Bizzler decided to show God exactly why she deserves to send eternity with Satan.

Tiffers says:
only one titanic survivor still living!
Tiffers says:
now I wanna watch titanic
Bizzler says:
It would probably be mean to take them on a cruise and get everyone on the boat to start running around screaming that it's sinking, huh?
Tiffers says:
hell......that's where you belong
Bizzler says:
I've accepted it


- I find this next one funny, because I can imagine us all sitting at our computers with a glassy eyed expression as we attempted to figure out what we were supposed to be telling the Nun.

The Nun says:
Okay, what's the first thing you think of when I say "A data mart is to a data warehouse, as layers are to an _ _ _ _ _."
Nicmouse says:
hangman. it looks like hangman. *is stupid*
Crutchurtle says:
cake doesn't have five letters, Nun
Bizzler says:
Can I buy a vowel?
Crutchurtle says:
onion?
The Nun says:
Omg if this is the responses i get on Monday, I’m getting an F
Tiffers says:
well we aren't taking the class
Tiffers says:
so we are a little lost
The Nun says:
*seriously fucking dies*
Crutchurtle says:
we don't know what a data walmart IS
The Nun says:
I cannot breathe
Crutchurtle says:
or a data warehouse
The Nun says:
yes onion is correct
Crutchurtle says:
YAAAAAAY!


-This next one is actually courtesy of Crutchturtle and a conversation she heard between two woman while she was working one day! :D

Two women conversing on how much they hate their AA sponsors:

Genius #1:
She just keeps telling me it's a disease and you gotta battle it like you battle cancer or shit like that. She says it's heriditary. Fuck that, it's so stupid when people think that things like this are hereditary.
Genius #2:
Hey, is your brother still in jail?
Genius #1:
Yep.


-Last, but not least, this last one was inspired when Bizzler gave me a "baby" as a free gift on Facebook. Okay, okay, so I may have given her a poisonous Turkey as a free gift first, but nobody wants a freaking baby!


Tiffers says:
I DON'T WANT A BABY!
Bizzler says:
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!
Bizzler says:
S'what you get
Tiffers says:
THIS IS WAR ZIPPO!
Bizzler says:
For giving me a poisonous turkey
Bizzler says:
Oh I'm so frightened
Tiffers says:
where is the giant STD Man Junk when you need it *grumbles*
Bizzler says:
Yeah, how could they have not made THAT a gift
Bizzler says:
Geez
Tiffers says:
losers
Tiffers says:
pfft!
Bizzler says:
Lame
Crutchurtle says:
you know what?
Crutchurtle says:
War Zippo sounds like the brother that Bizzler must keep in the closet.
Crutchurtle says:
Race, War,
Bizzler says:
Hey, that's pretty cool
Bizzler says:
War Zippo. He must be where I got the cannon from.

Well, that is all I have for now, I hope everyone has a Happy Thanksgiving! Watch out for those poisonous Turkeys!

I See Your Birthday Girl and Raise You One Drunken Rapper

Miss Ann, in honor of your birthday, I have a very special transcript for you. One that I think we can all agree provided us with many hours of laughter and a few bouts of frustration. Here are some of those lovely highlights! Drunken teenager rappers are quite a chatty breed......

Crutchurtle says:
oh Jesus.
Tiffers says:
JESUS!
Duct Tape says:
CHRITS!

Duct Tape says:
I'm writing in windows and not knowing who I'm talking to!
Duct Tape says:
IT'S CRAZY !

Duct Tape says:
It's the Bizzlerbler!
Duct Tape says:
the Bizzlerbah rooni
Duct Tape says:
the big Bizzler
Duct Tape says:
the twizzler
Duct Tape says:
the bizzy bee of a twizzler
Duct Tape says:
yo mon

Duct Tape says:
I should make one for you
Duct Tape says:
TIFFY IS SO SPIFFY! SHE'S A SWIFFER OF A GAL! AND SHE CLEANS THE FLOORS, BUT SHE STILL SMELLS GOOD!
Tiffers says:
when do I ever clean floors?
Bizzler says:
Tiffers, swiffer....I get it
Duct Tape says:
BizzlerBY BIBBLY THE BUBBLE! I LOVE HER CUZ SHE HAS TWIZZLERS! AND SHE
SHARES CUZ SHE'S AWESOMELY BizzlerBLY WITH A WIBBLE!
Duct Tape says:
MARA RHYMES WITH SARA BUT NOT REALLY AT THE SAME TIME! AND SHE HAS A HIPPY MIDDLE NAME BUT I CAN'T REMEMBER! AND SHE LIKES TO HOWL AT THE MOON!
Duct Tape says:
BUT NOT REALLY!
Duct Tape says:
SWIFFER LIKES TO MAKE OUT WITH TWIZZLER!
Crutchurtle says:
what?
Tiffers says:
well we're married
Crutchurtle says:
I howl at the moon?
Duct Tape says:
AND TOGETHER THEY ARE A SWIZZLER !
Duct Tape says:
AND THEN THEY HAD Crutchurtle WHO IS HALF WEREWORLF BECAUSE I SAID SO
Bizzler says:
*DIES*
Tiffers says:
Wereworlf
Duct Tape says:
SO THEY ARE SWIZZLARA!
Duct Tape says:
AND THEY LIVE IN A TIPI!
Crutchurtle says:
I'm like, half werewolf, half that guy from Star Trek.
Duct Tape says:
BECAUSE THERE'S BETTER ACCESS!
Duct Tape says:
TO THE MOON!
Duct Tape says:
BUT SWIFFER STILL SMELLS GOOD
Duct Tape says:
CUZ SHE CLEANS THE FLOORS EVERY DAY
Duct Tape says:
AND THEY EAT TWIZZLERS
Tiffers says:
apparently caps are the theme tonight
Duct Tape says:
AND THEN THE ACCIDENTALLY EAT BIZZLER
Crutchurtle says:
Does anyone here think she will remember this all in the morning? If you do, raise your hand.
Crutchurtle says:
*sits on her hands*
Bizzler says:
DONT EAT ME!
Tiffers says:
*is still cracking up*
Duct Tape says:
AND THEN THE TIPI FALLS DOWN
Duct Tape says:
AND SWIFFLER IS TRAMPLED BY WEREWOLFS NEW PACK
Crutchurtle says:
oh no!
Duct Tape says:
CUZ SHE NEVER REALLY LIKED TWIZZLERS
Duct Tape says:
OR SPIFFERS SMELL
Crutchurtle says:
ooooh
Tiffers says:
you killed me?
Duct Tape says:
mwahahahaah
Crutchurtle says:
no, my new pack did

Duct Tape says:
I LOOOVEEE water
Duct Tape says:
I love water so much
Duct Tape says:
water is so good
Crutchurtle says:
you should drink lots of it
Duct Tape says:
Bizzlerbly has big sunglasses

Duct Tape says:
it's awesome!
Duct Tape says:
I love water!
Tiffers says:
DUCT TAPE!
Duct Tape says:
but I love coke more
Crutchurtle says:
yes, I want you to read the label back to me on the asprin
Duct Tape says:
TIFF!
Tiffers says:
focus!
Duct Tape says:
focused boss

Duct Tape says:
no wait I do!
Duct Tape says:
but it's over there
Duct Tape says:
and I'm over here
Crutchurtle says:
you need to go get it
Duct Tape says:
and that's uncool
Crutchurtle says:
I need you to read it to me
Duct Tape says:
but it's dark
Tiffers says:
just do it quick
Duct Tape says:
and my wash is hanging up
Crutchurtle says:
hurry!
Duct Tape says:
and my roomies asleep
Crutchurtle says:
I need it!
Tiffers says:
it will all be over soon
Duct Tape Girl says:
no you don't!
Crutchurtle says:
please!
Duct Tape says:
you liar!
Crutchurtle says:
yes I do
Duct Tape says:
I can't send it to you!
Crutchurtle says:
I need you to read the label to me
Tiffers says:
Omg she is a child
Duct Tape says:
I don't have any packaging
Crutchurtle says:
you don't have to send it to me.
Crutchurtle says:
I just need you to read me the label
Crutchurtle says:
and take two
Duct Tape says:
well you can't get it through the internet
Tiffers says:
with the water
Duct Tape says:
everyone knows that
Tiffers says:
it will make you feel better
Crutchurtle says:
I know.
Tiffers says:
lots better
Crutchurtle says:
but.... it interacts with my meds
Crutchurtle says:
so I need you to read me the label
Crutchurtle says:
so I know what it says on there
Crutchurtle says:
please?
Bizzler says:
She's rhyming my name
Tiffers says:
fuck
Crutchurtle says:
*sigh*
Bizzler says:
I'm a smibbler
Duct Tape says:
Advil
Crutchurtle says:
okay
Crutchurtle says:
take the advil
Duct Tape says:
100 Ibuprofen tablets
Crutchurtle says:
two of them
Duct Tape says:
200 mg
Tiffers says:count out two
Duct Tape says:
pain reliever/fever reducer
Duct Tape says:
read and keep carton for complete warnings and information
Crutchurtle says:
thank you so much Duct Tape!!
Duct Tape says:
see also http://www.advil.com/
Crutchurtle says:
hey, could you take two of those?
Duct Tape says:
uses
Tiffers says:
Do you still have your water hun?
Crutchurtle says:
with a big glass of water?
Crutchurtle says:
it's okay, I don't need the uses.
Crutchurtle says:
I just needed that thing about pain reliever, there.
Crutchurtle says:
but thank you!
Crutchurtle says:
could you take two of them for me?
Duct Tape says:
temproraily relieves minor aches and pains due to headache, muscular aches, menstrual cramps, the common cold, backache, toothache, minor pain of arthritis
Duct Tape says:
temporarily reduces fever
Duct Tape says:
directions
Tiffers says:
perfect! Now you just have to take two for Tiffy and Crutchurtle
Duct Tape Girl says:
do not take more than directed the smallest effective does should be used
Duct Tape says:
do not take longer than 10 days, unless directed by a doctor
Duct Tape says:
my hands are cramping
Crutchurtle says:
that was all I needed
Crutchurtle says:
thank you!!
Crutchurtle says:
could you take two of those though?
Tiffers says:
did you take any yet hun?
Crutchurtle says:
two advil?
Bizzler says:
Take the damn pills Duct Tape!

Duct Tape says:
I got you Bizzlerber
Duct Tape says:
I told Maddy that you aren't pimply
Duct Tape says:
even though you do have big sunglasses
Duct Tape says:
they're just for the sun
Bizzler says:
Hey, thanks!
Duct Tape says:
not to cover anything
Tiffers says:
okay but why would Bizzy be pimply?
Bizzler says:
No idea.
Tiffers says:
well good stuff

Bizzler says:
BOOZEY MCDRUNKERTON!

Tiffers says:
don't be mean to your wife
Tiffers says:
I'll say spousal abuse
Bizzler says:
*calls the spousal abuse hotline*
Tiffers says:
*calls faster*
Tiffers says:
I wonder if she fell asleep
Crutchurtle says:
1-800-BEAT-HER, This is Crutchurtle , who's been beating your ass today?
Tiffers says:
MY wife
Crutchurtle says:
for what, ma'am?
Tiffers says:
she beats me with a paddle
Crutchurtle says:
did you not do the dishes?
Bizzler says:
Lies
Crutchurtle says:
or make her pot pie?
Tiffers says:
I did everything I even put out!
Crutchurtle says:
okay, okay, just a moment please.
Crutchurtle says:
*clacks on her keyboard*
Crutchurtle says:
Okay, now, are you barefoot and or pregnant?
Tiffers says:
both
Crutchurtle says:
do you happen to chain smoke?
Bizzler says:
WE'RE PREGNANT?? AND YOU HAVENT TOLD ME???
Tiffers says:
maybe
Crutchurtle says:
what would you gage as your alcohol intake?
Tiffers says:
the question is what wouldn't I gage as my alcohol intake if you know what I mean
Crutchurtle says:
mhmm, I do.
Crutchurtle says:
Now, one last question.
Crutchurtle says:
Do you or your wife happen to run a meth lab in a basement, attic, spare room, or tornado shelter?
Bizzler says:
Lie. Lie right now.
Bizzler says:
Do it
Tiffers says:
no
Bizzler says:
Good wife
Crutchurtle says:
ohhhhhhh I'm sorry......
Crutchurtle says:
you JUST missed qualifying for help.
Crutchurtle says:
But, LIVE, FROM NEW YORK, IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!

Duct Tape says:
damn I just gone and spilled muh drink

So, there are some of the grand highlights, and that was just from my end of the conversation, I have no idea what everyone else received! Oh, and I realize that the second to last exchange was just the sober people, but yeah, it's why we are going to hell, so we might as well share!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANN!!!!